evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
