my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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