The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
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