my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
