I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i think i have two assholes
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
