The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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