haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
