Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
