i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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