blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
