If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
