You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
