so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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