I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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