he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
