did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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