I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
