she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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