If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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