I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Randomize
