Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
