this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
