Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
