Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
