Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize