Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
