i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
