your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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