All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
