they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Who died my cat blue again?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
