I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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