Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
