He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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