Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I need to calm my uterus...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
