her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
There r osticjed everywhere
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize