Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
