Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
