i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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