I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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