love makes seman taste better
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
