Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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