Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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