Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
