Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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