Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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