he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
