Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
