I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
