that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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