Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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