toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
