I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
