neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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