I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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