I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
