mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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