When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
