I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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