oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
time to smoke my breakfast
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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