did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize