Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She even gives head with a lisp.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Of course I have a pirate flag
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
