All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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