They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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