So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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