Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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