quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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