The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Mom said you looked used
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
