he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
