Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
