I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
