Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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