I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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