you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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