Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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