And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
